Coach Sunglasses On Sale0Building Healthy Boundari

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When we are clear and focused within ourselves [link widoczny dla zalogowanych], boundaries automatically emerge and begin to move into place. In other words, boundaries are to some extent established subconsciously, as a result of mature self-love. Another dimension of boundaries requires our consciously focused attention and effort. We will look at these two levels in terms of our commitment to ourselves and to our relationships.
Picture three concentric circles. The inner circle represents commitment to self, the next ring represents the role we play in the relationship and the outer ring represents our commitment to the relationship itself. You will notice there is no mention of commitment to the other person-that's their job.
1. COMMITMENT TO SELF
Our first priority in a relationship with another is our commitment to ourselves. This is not selfish, it's merely practical.
Your best friend has just been in a car wreck and needs your help. You want to get there as fast as you can, but it's a few miles away and your car's gas tank is on empty. Do you ignore this and zoom off to the rescue? Of course not. You get some gas before making the trip. By the same token, we each need to take care of our own needs to some extent before we go about trying to give to others.
It's really very simple. You are the center of your universe. Everything you see, hear [link widoczny dla zalogowanych], feel and experience goes out in concentric spheres from your point of awareness there in the center of your world. This is not some weird idea, it's pure rational fact.
Your self, your universe as you perceive it [link widoczny dla zalogowanych], is what you carry into any relationship you enter. All of your cumulative life experience, your "family baggage", your emotional and behavioral patterns are part of what you bring.
You are responsible for what you contribute to the relationship. The other person is responsible for his or her own contribution. This means simply that you have the job of maintaining your own physical, emotional mental and spiritual health. That way you bring a healthy person into the relationship, which is a true gift to your partner.
Let's look at some of the inner dimensions to your relationship with yourself. The physical self is closer to the surface and more observable than any of the other aspects. We share our thoughts and ideas more easily and readily than we do our emotions, so the mental self would be next.
Our emotional self goes very deep into our being and much of it is subconscious. Our emotions are more private than many of our thoughts, so we may see them as closer to the core of our being.
You might say that the spiritual self or the spiritual aspects of love are at the heart of who we are. Our spiritual feelings, experiences and beliefs are deeper and more private than perhaps any other aspect of who we are. The spiritual dimension naturally expands to include the emotional, mental and physical self as focus and development occur at this deepest level of relationship.
This is our first work in creating a healthy relationship with another. It takes two basically healthy, growing people to make a healthy relationship.
2. COMMITMENT TO ROLE
We are each responsible for the role we play in our relationships. It is a mistake to make our role totally dependent on the behavior of the other. For example, "I would be a better husband if she would only . . ." The truth is that you are responsible for the kind of husband or wife you are, no matter what your spouse may or may not do. Your role is your creation and responsibility."
By taking charge of defining your role as husband, wife, lover, friend, mother, father, son, daughter, boss or employee, you are empowering yourself in the relationship and removing yourself from the victim position. The tricky part about this is that our basic training for these roles was in our family of origin and early childhood experience. This is one of the reasons